Courtship & marriage

In courtship, is it right to encounter/engage in serial argument?

Though courtship is not a vivid biblical concept, yet it serves a good purpose.

Courtship begins when a male and a female has either formal or informal agreement to begin a marriage relationship.

It is the time created to know one another’s weaknesses and strengths, and the time to build stronger relationship with God.

It is a time to pray and reach some agreement that will affect the marriage. During this period, argument can ensue because both parties are coming from different backgrounds.

However, it is expected that argument be resolved amicably and with maturity. Some of those arguments may demand that you seek counsel from your pastor or whosoever the relationship is submitted to.

It is advisable that before venturing into a marriage relationship, your Pastor (most preferably), or an elder, or a spiritually mature Christian (with a stable marriage) be informed and carried along at each stage of the relationship.)

Nonetheless, in reality, several arguments can be overlooked when handled maturedly by both partners.

Relationship must not be turned into a debating platform where one loses and the other wins. This will tear the relationship apart.

We also believe that if both parties have healthy relationship with God, arguments will reduce, because most of the things that cause argument are simply by-products of spiritual immaturity. So it is expected that both parties are mature believers.

The following modes of argument can result in unhealthy courtships:

  • Arguments that lead to physical, emotional or personality assault
  • Arguments that are unresolvable
  • Arguments that are won by only one person
  • Arguments that are doctrine based
  • Arguments that attack basic pillars of the Christian faith
  • Arguments that lead to irreconcilable differences

If you find yourself in this kind of relationship, you need to seek spiritual counsel. In fact, if these arguments become perpetually unresolvable, you may need to quit that relationship in order to avoid stronger clashes in your future marriage.